How To Survive Planning Your Wedding...
- Matthew Harmer
- Oct 31
- 7 min read
Updated: 3 days ago
First things first - congratulations. You’re engaged. Now that you’re officially in wedding planning mode, you might be feeling a mix of joy and “where do we even start?”
As someone who’s spent years documenting weddings, I’ve watched hundreds of couples move from that first “yes” to the final walk back up the aisle — and I’ve learned a few things along the way.
So, here’s my honest advice — the stuff I wish every couple knew before diving into wedding planning.
1. Start With What Actually Matters to You
Forget what the internet says you “should” do.
Before anything else, sit down together and talk about what matters most — not the colour palette or the napkin fold, but the feeling you want for your day.
Do you want an all-night dance party with everyone you love, or an intimate backyard dinner with your closest friends? When you start from that truth, every decision after becomes so much easier — and the day ends up feeling more like you.
2. Your Venue Shapes the Story
From a East Sussex wedding photographer’s point of view, your venue is more than just a backdrop — it’s a character in your story.
It affects the light, the flow, the energy of the day.
If you love natural, unposed images, look for spaces with room to move, soft light, and a sense of atmosphere. I always tell my couples: pick a place that feels good to be in — because when you’re comfortable, it shows in your photos.
Whether you choose a grand ballroom, a rustic barn, a seaside location, or an intimate garden, the setting will influence every aspect of the celebration—from the style of your décor to the flow of the day’s events. A venue’s architecture, lighting, and natural surroundings create the visual backdrop for your ceremony and reception, reflecting your personalities and the story you want to tell as a couple.
Beyond aesthetics, the venue also determines the practical structure of your wedding day. The layout and facilities affect how smoothly transitions occur between moments such as the ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner, and dancing. For example, an all-in-one venue allows guests to stay in one place, creating a seamless, relaxed atmosphere, while a ceremony in one location and a reception in another adds an element of anticipation and variety. The venue’s capacity, catering options, and staff support will also shape the pace and comfort of the day, influencing everything from meal service to how much time you have for photos and mingling.
Finally, the venue’s location plays a key role in shaping the emotional and logistical experience of the wedding. A local venue may make it easier for family and friends to attend, while a destination wedding can create a more intimate, vacation-like atmosphere. The surrounding environment—whether it’s a city skyline, mountain range, or countryside landscape—becomes part of your memories and your photos. Ultimately, your choice of venue doesn’t just provide a place to celebrate; it defines the mood, rhythm, and character of your entire wedding day, making it a deeply personal and meaningful decision.
3. Trust Your Team (We’ve Got Your Back)
When you hire professionals — photographers, planners, florists — you’re not just hiring for their skill, but their experience.
Planning a wedding can feel overwhelming. With so many decisions to make—from choosing the perfect dress to selecting the right photographer—it’s easy to become caught up in the details. However, one of the most valuable choices you can make during this process is to put your trust in your wedding suppliers. These professionals are not only experts in their fields but also deeply invested in bringing your vision to life. Allowing them the creative freedom and confidence to do what they do best can transform your planning experience and ensure your day runs smoothly.
Wedding suppliers—florists, caterers, planners, photographers, and entertainers—bring years of experience and a wealth of knowledge to your celebration. They’ve seen countless weddings and understand how to adapt to unexpected challenges, manage timelines, and create stunning results. By trusting their expertise, you benefit from their ability to anticipate needs and solve problems before they even arise. For example, a florist knows how certain flowers will hold up in specific weather conditions, and a photographer knows the best lighting and angles for your venue. Their insight can save you time, money, and unnecessary stress.
Moreover, when you place your trust in your suppliers, you allow them to deliver their best work. Micromanaging every detail can limit their creativity, while giving them confidence in your trust often inspires them to go above and beyond. Most wedding professionals genuinely care about creating a beautiful, memorable experience for their clients—it’s their passion. By fostering a collaborative relationship built on trust and communication, you create an environment where everyone works toward the same goal: making your day unforgettable.
Ultimately, your wedding day should be about joy, love, and celebration—not worry. Putting your trust in your suppliers allows you to relax and be present in the moment, knowing that capable hands are managing the details behind the scenes. When you’ve chosen skilled professionals and communicated your vision clearly, you can let go of the stress and enjoy your day as it unfolds naturally. Trusting your wedding suppliers isn’t just good advice—it’s the key to a smooth, beautiful, and truly meaningful wedding experience.
4. Light Is Everything
Lighting plays a far greater role in your wedding day than many couples realise. It doesn’t just help people see the décor or set the mood—it defines the entire atmosphere of your celebration and deeply influences how your day will be remembered in photos and video. The right lighting can transform a space, enhance emotions, and bring your wedding vision to life, while poor lighting can make even the most beautiful setting feel flat or unflattering.
From the ceremony to the dance floor, lighting sets the tone. Soft, natural light during a daytime ceremony creates a romantic and timeless feel, while warm, ambient lighting at your reception adds intimacy and depth. The placement and type of lighting—candles, fairy lights, uplighting, or chandeliers—help shape how your guests experience each moment. Good lighting draws attention to important details like your floral arrangements, cake, and table settings, ensuring all the effort you’ve put into design truly shines.
When it comes to photography and
videography, lighting is everything. Photographers rely on light to capture mood, texture, and emotion. Natural light during golden hour—the soft, warm glow just before sunset—creates flattering, dreamy portraits. On the other hand, harsh or dim lighting can result in shadows, grainy images, or loss of detail. Professional photographers are skilled at adapting to different lighting conditions, but even the best camera can only do so much if the environment isn’t well lit. Investing in thoughtful lighting design ensures your photos are vibrant, clear, and filled with the atmosphere you felt in the moment.
Ultimately, lighting doesn’t just illuminate your wedding—it tells your story. It highlights laughter, softens emotions, and enhances every precious detail. By planning your lighting with care and consulting your photographer or planner about the best times and setups, you’ll create not only a stunning celebration but also timeless photographs that capture your day exactly as you remember it—glowing, joyful, and full of love.
5. Leave Space for the In-Between Moments
The best photos almost always happen in the moments you don’t plan so when planning your wedding day, it’s easy to focus on the big moments—the ceremony, the speeches, the first dance. But often, it’s the smaller, unscripted moments in between that become the most cherished memories. Allowing time for these in-between moments not only gives your day a more natural rhythm but also helps you stay present, soak it all in, and truly connect with the people you love.
Weddings move quickly. With a packed schedule and a long list of must-do photos and formalities, the day can fly by in a blur. Building in pockets of unplanned time—those quiet, in-between intervals—gives you a chance to pause and breathe. It might be a few minutes alone together after the ceremony to take in the fact that you’re finally married, a spontaneous laugh with your bridesmaids, or a moment to watch your guests enjoying themselves. These are the memories that bring real emotion and authenticity to your wedding day.
From a photographer’s perspective, those candid, unposed moments often make the most powerful images. When there’s time to slow down, people relax, emotions surface naturally, and the camera captures genuine expressions instead of hurried smiles. The in-between moments—hands being held, tears being wiped away, bursts of laughter—tell the story of your day in the most honest and beautiful way.
Leaving time for these pauses also helps ensure your day feels enjoyable rather than rushed. It allows flexibility if things run slightly behind and gives you space to be spontaneous—whether it’s taking advantage of a beautiful sunset for photos, sneaking away for a quiet toast, or simply soaking in the atmosphere you’ve created.
In the end, weddings are not just about the timeline; they’re about the experience. The in-between moments are where the heart of your day truly lives—the fleeting glances, the shared laughter, the quiet reflections. By leaving room for them, you allow your wedding to breathe, unfold naturally, and become the authentic, joy-filled celebration you’ll remember forever.
6. Don’t Try to Do Everything
Pinterest is inspiring, but it can also be a trap.
You don’t have to DIY every single detail. You don’t need 20 matching signs. You just need a day that feels like you two.
Some of my favourite weddings have been the simplest — heartfelt vows under a tree, dinner on long wooden tables, laughter echoing across a field. The simplicity lets the story shine.
7. Let Go of Perfect
Here’s the truth: no wedding day ever goes exactly as planned.
And that’s okay — because real life is what makes your photos beautiful. The wind might blow your veil the wrong way, your nephew might photobomb your ceremony shot, or you might spill champagne on your dress — and those moments? They’re gold.
They remind you that this day was real.
8. Stay Present
More than anything, be there for it — really be there.
The day goes by fast, but when you slow down and take it in, it lingers.
Hold your partner’s hand a little longer. Look around at the people who showed up for you. Dance like no one’s watching. Those are the moments that turn into the kind of photos you’ll feel decades from now.
A Little About Me 📷
I’m Matthew of Burst Photos — a documentary wedding photographer based in East Sussex.
My approach is simple: I tell your story as it truly happens. No forced poses, no stiff smiles — just honest, emotional storytelling through thoughtful imagery.
If you’re at the start of your planning journey (or knee-deep in the chaos) and want photos that capture how your day felt, not just how it looked, I’d love to connect.
What to Know more about how to survive your wedding planning?
You can reach out to me here at https://www.burstphotos.co.uk/contact-us, or follow along on Instagram @burstphotosphotography to see the stories I’ve been lucky enough to document lately.
Here’s to planning a wedding that feels true to you — and to every beautiful, imperfect, unforgettable moment along the way.
Venues Featured:
Matthew
Comments